was written for me in a fix exchange with my daughter. I wrote her a
Cam and Mitchell story, and she wrote me
a Carl and Van Helsing story! :)
By my daughter, who likes
anime and who has the shoe-shopping mentality of a young Imelda Marcos.
Helsing! Van Helsing, I've finally done it," Carl said, running across
"Done what? Carl, if this is another one of your experiments, I don't-"
"Oh, you just wouldn't believe it," he exclaimed. "I've created the
perfect weapon, er, shield, er, thing!"
Van Helsing pressed his fingers against his forehead and sighed. "Carl,
you say this every week and I don't want to-"
"It combines speed and flexibility, and is even aerodynamic! Oh, I do
think I have outdone myself this time," he mused.
"Oh, I'm sorry Van Helsing, were you saying something?"
"I said that I don't want to be a part of this experiment. It seems
like when I get involved-"
Carl interrupted him with a scoff.
"But Van Helsing, you're the test run! I need to make sure it can work
as well in the field as it did in the lab. You're a perfect candidate!"
"No. I said no before you even told me what it was, so no."
Carl opened his mouth to protest, but Van Helsing interrupted.
Carl seemed to sense his defeat, so he slowly walked away, mumbling
incoherently. He got back to his new found invention. He looked at the
pile of shiny, limp material and put his helmet on top of it.
"I hope this one works."
A week later, Carl was still pestering Van Helsing about testing his
new ingenious invention, but to no prevail, he was still tester-less.
"Van Helsing, I will put in a good word with, with Him," he shouted as
he pointed up, "if you test this for me!"
Van Helsing just scoffed and went back to shining his crossbow.
Almost immediately, Carl had an idea. An idea so diabolical that your
brain may just explode if you think about it too much.
"I will give you full access to all my creations, at any time, for any
This interested Van Helsing. He turned from his crossbow and with a
grin asked, "So, if I walked in here and said, Carl, I need as many
bows as you have because I am going to go kill the Queen of England,
I'm supposed believe you would let me, no questions asked?"
"I guess when you put it that way, yes."
"You’re a damned liar."
"I am being completely honest. Remember, friar?"
"But you can still curse, so why wouldn't you lie."
"Just, I'm not," he takes a minute to sigh."Just, trust me."
Van Helsing pondered his options for a few seconds, then turned back to
"Sorry Carl, the answer's still no."
Carl knew he would refuse. This is where his plan came into action.
"But, if you refuse, you cannot use anything I have ever created."
Van Helsing's eye twitched. He never knew Carl could be so devious. If
he agreed, he could be sure to make a mockery of himself, but if he
refused, no crossbow… it proved to be one of the hardest decision he
ever had to make.
After a few seconds of Carl sweating, hoping this would work, and Van
Helsing having a vicious, bloody battle in his head, Van Helsing
Carl literally jumped for joy.
"Oh thank you, thank you! Thank you so much Van Helsing! You won't
"I have a feeling I will…" he mumbled.
Van Helsing stared at the piece of clothing in his hands. His eyes were
as big as soccer balls as he handed it back to Carl.
"Nope. Deals off. Sorry, find a new tester person."
"NO YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOU AREADY SAID SO!"
"No, I can just easily find a mad scientist friar. Yes. His name will
be Frank and, no, he will be a monk so he can't lie. It will be
wondrous. He would easily let me kill the Queen of England without
"Van Helsing…"he whined.
"I'm not wearing that, that thing!"
"Please? Look, I'm begging! I'm BEGGING of you!"
Van Helsing, in a rare moment of weakness, felt pity for the friar.
"Well, I guess if it means so much to you…"
Carl jumped back up and tossed the material at Van Helsing.
"You can change in the back."
As he was headed back, Carl added, "And don't try running. He knows
where you are and what you are doing at all times."
After about ten minutes of Carl twiddling his thumbs and Van Helsing
desperately trying to figure out how to put on Carl's "invention", Van
Helsing immerged from the back of the lab.
Carl's hand flew over his mouth in order to stop the fit of giggles
coming from the sight of him. He hadn't thought it would be THAT tight.
"Carl, what Is this for? I look ridiculous."
"That indeed you do," Carl spluttered as he erupted into another fit of
"Can I take it off? I'm taking it off."
"No! I just need to see a few things…" Carl said as he picked up a
crossbow."Now, just hold still, and I'll see just how arrow proof this
"There's NO WAY this is arrow proof so stop pointing that at me!"
Van Helsing was right. His costume was made of thick, shiny black
rubber. A full body suit that stopped at the neck and zipped all the
way from the heel to the nape of his neck. You could say it almost
resembled Cat Woman.
"Don't worry, I made sure it was. Well, it looked as though it was…"
"That is my que to get out of your firing range. Besides, I don't want
the arrow to end up in my head, result of your spot on aim."
"Here," he said as he put his helmet on his head, "Now your brain is
"No, this is where I draw the line Carl."
He sighed." Fine. We'll just skip to the fire testing."
Van Helsing just gave Carl a, 'There is no way in seven hells I am
doing that' look.
Carl sighed dramatically as he blew out the candle in his hands.
"Well, now there's only the last test."
Van Helsing breathed a sigh of relief. A few more minutes and then this
torture will be over.
"The elements test. We simply go out into the streets and see how it
does with the real world."
"No no no no no, no. I am not wearing this outside this lab."
"But Van Helsing," he said with a smirk, "What if it doesn’t hold up in
"You were sure that it was arrow proof and flame retardant, but you
think it will MELT?"
"Not necessarily. If you're too embarrassed to wear it outside, you
might just spontaneously combust," Carl laughed at Van Helsing's face
when he realized that he had been tricked.
"Wha-Wha, if I could run, I would kill you! Um, now, how do I get this
Carl laughed as loud as he could, took one look at Van Helsing, and
"I made it to embarrass you, not to be easy to get off!"